do I know me...

There ain’t no sound, or maybe I’m deaf. There ain’t any light or maybe I’m blind. I’m bruised maybe I’ve been in a fight, but these bruises are different…I can’t feel them. I can’t taste my perspiration, I don’t even know if there is any sweat. I can smell everything though… that in other words means I can smell nothing. I have never been in such proximity to myself, I feel estranged. I search for distractions, but there are none…I have been robbed of them. I am alone with myself, and I don’t know how to start a conversation…

Its like being in front of a mirror in a dark room, you expect to see yourself, but don’t expect to meet yourself. These nuances are important because they define the thin line between knowing what you are and what you think you are.

I still can’t decide what to say. I feel insignificant… I don’t feel a thing… I assume I am insignificant… I feel my solitude…twenty years he’s been my tenant and I haven’t got myself to know him…
I can’t recall anything else I have accomplished…my memory escapes me…
Everything in this life is futile…I conclude…I don’t know myself…
In Greek mythology, Sisyphus, who had once deceived the gods and cheated death, was condemned for eternity to roll a stone up a hill. Every time he was about to complete his task, the stone would roll free back down to the bottom of the hill. Sisyphus would then have to start over again, even though the same thing would just happen again. Thus, the punishment of Sisyphus is a punishment just because it is an endless exercise in futility. Sisyphus is stuck in an eternally pointless task. Now, if the world and everything in it are also pointless, the lesson is that the task of Sisyphus is identical to every thing that we will ever be doing in life. We are no different from Sisyphus; and if his punishment makes the afterlife a hell for him, we are already living in that hell.
What can Sisyphus do to make his life endurable? Well, he can just decide that it is meaningful. The value and purpose that objectively don't exist in the world can be restored by an act of will. Just going along with conventional values and forgetting about the absurdity of the world is not authentic. Authenticity is to exercise one's free will and to choose the activities and goals that will be meaningful for one's self. With this approach, even Sisyphus can be engaged and satisfied with what he is doing.
To live one's life, one must exercise the freedom to create a life. To create a life one must know what one wants. The sad part is I still don’t know what I want…the happy part is I don’t want to know…

What then was the point of writing the article you will ask… let me ask: Why should you care…