broken to peace...

For days now, I have been searching for a cause, an elusive cause, a teaser to my cerebral powers, a humbling experience. Alas having found it the journey doesn’t impress me in the hindsight, but I am resolute in subjecting myself to these journeys again. I am also resolute to subjecting you to the journey as I would not have you take pride in my discovery without accompanying me through it.
The one who forgets they say is destined to remember; only they call it déjà vu. The fall is as evident as the rise, seldom are they separated by time, often are they separated by envy. A clairvoyant mother protects her son from the battle, only to lose him to society. A blind man burns all his matches in the morning so that he would feel the sun. Exclusivity of a decision defeats the purpose of decision doesn’t it?
I see a line in a crowd and I think I see civilization, I look behind and I see another line and I feel proud. Then I realize, in a crowd everywhere is a line. I stare at the clock and I see time, all I know is I was born and I will die. I let the ocean waves hit me, I know they will keep coming back; I will not wear them down. My memory never exhausts, but neither do new experiences. I can’t take a decision which affects only me. I am not mine. I am not in control.
If loss of virginity is exclusive to those involved, why is one branded? Am I the one or am I one too many. Do I make a difference, or am I the difference. I don’t use game theory to calculate my dating prospects, but if you are one of those who do, you ought to know that the principle assumption is that the players are ‘rational’ and ‘intelligent’ and more importantly each player knows this about the other one. Now you know why smart guys fall for dumb girls and vice versa. Anyway it’s the decision process which interests me, for winning and losing are perceptions of an empty mind. So can you win and lose at the same time without calling it perspective?
It is clear we haven’t reached anywhere; we could either stop our search or call it introspection. Or we could wait for the cause to stumble upon us by luck. Did I say luck? How many of us have divided themselves further into more basic entities, how many of us believe we could do better if our cells worked independent of us. How many of can say that we love with our hearts alone (I know it would be hard for the guys). What are we without ‘indivisibility’? I am not sure…I cannot think! I figure I will be damned…all alone like I began. I am not broke…I am never broken. Save dope for the good times, hope for the bad ones. Mostly we’ll have them together. Peace.